Running Away

Hi Blog,

I'm having one of those days again, blog, where my brain has completely shut down from stress and worry, and I suddenly feel very giddy, blog.  I feel like I can write anything into this little box if I want to, but then I eventually have to press publish and the world will know, once again, how little I have to say.

I go to UMUC and so far I enjoy the online class format.  However, the administration is not my favorite.  I've been jerked around, blog.  When it comes to financial aid, I was told I qualified.  Then I was told I didn't qualify.  Then I was told they wouldn't accept my billing.  Then they dropped me from my classes, blog.  Then they said I could get back in if I pay $50.  It was dizzying, blog.  And then, blog, they couldn't decide which classes transferred over and which didn't. Was it 84 credits, 78 credits, or 71 credits?  Isn't that illegal, blog?  Can they really do this to me? I'm tired of being jerked around, blog.  I'm spending more time trying to get situated with my new major and classes than I am actually studying, blog.

I just want to say blog one more time.

Other than that, I have full faith I will do well in school. I'm also doing pretty good with how I've figured things out for myself  I like that I know what I believe in, know who my friends are and how much they mean to me, my role in my family.

Something feels empty.

I don't know what it is, but it is worrying me.  Amidst all my cheer, amidst the circle of support I've created for myself, amidst the plans I'm making, sometimes I still find my brain automatically creating scenarios where I die on purpose or ruin my life somehow.

I look forward to getting in more shape so I can run away, physically run away, for long periods of time to escape this feeling.  I just want to outrun this. I feel like the more I run the better I get at running and the more I enjoy running.  I look forward to more running and less emptiness.