This Weekend I Googled.

This weekend I Googled the following things:

 

What is a broiler?

It's that thing in bottom of my oven I never use.

 

Where is my broiler?

In that weird drawer thing you thought was for storage and melted all of your crap.

 

Is that a broiler?

Yes.

 

Do I put food directly on this thing in the broiler?

Yes.

 

How to broil?

Press broil.

 

How to clean broiler?

Dump powdered dish detergent on it and let it sit.

 

Can you freeze Ziploc containers?

Yes.

 

How long do breakfast casseroles keep?

A week.

 

Why are fedoras such a terrible hat now?

Because they are a symptom of guys who use phrases like "friendzone" and "Females only go for douchbags and I'm so nice."

 

Am I too old to still listen to Arcade Fire?

No, because you were younger than the band members in your early twenties, which means you're still younger than they are now.

 

Poop vs Sneeze vs Orgasm

HOW DID I GET HERE????

 

Should I diet?

You have chronic illnesses, so you probably should give it a shot.

 

What is the best diet?

There isn't one.  Find what works for you.

 

Why do these diets not succeed?

Because the people trying them did  not stick to them.

 

Why diets don't work?

Because people are resistant to change.

 

What super foods should I eat daily?

Spinach, butternut squash, blueberries, green tea, salmon (I personally don't think fish should be eaten daily because of pollution and mercury levels and such).

 

How to stay friends with people who make you super angry?

Don't. It's not fair to you and not fair to them.

 

I think all of you should Google these and then tell me about what you Google.  Or Bing. Or Ask Jeeves. Or read in a book somewhere.  Or copied off of your friend in science class.