Game On Diet- Low Carb Option?

Were talking about food again. Why? Because I'm doing another contest and I'm all about strategy. I came so close to winning the last one!  My team was in second place and I was second for the side bet of who loses the biggest percentage of weight. Ugh! So close!

I'm tweaking Game On Diet to be low-carb.  It's not by the book, but my group leader who is in contact with Az Ferguson says it's allowed so I'm doing it. She first suggested it to me months ago, but I wasn't ready.  Game On Diet is strict enough as it is and I was afraid I'd feel too deprived. But after a few months of doing it I wasn't finishing all my food anyway. I don't want to waste food. Less food means less money spent, am I right? 

If you're not going "low-carb" with this, add a whole grain, fruit, or starchy veggie with the last three meals. My favorites are roasted potatoes, a glass of milk, or beans, but you could put all of these on a toasted whole grain sandwich wrap or serve with a side of wild rice or fruit salad. The opportunities are endless!

I find there are two challenges when it comes to sticking to a healthy eating plan: 1) Eating on the go and 2)Remembering to share meals with your family.

My family is my husband and a cat, but this still applies, especially when my cat usually wants the protein in my meal.

Anyway, I made two sample meal days meant to be mixed and matched all over the place!

Low Carb Game On -- On The Go

Breakfast--2 mini cucumbers, an orange, ricotta or string cheese or greek yogurt, and cashews
Lunch--2 mini cucumbers, a sweet potato, ricotta cheese, and cashews
Snack--Red Bell Pepper, mini lean meatloaf, a slice of avocado
Snack--Sauteed broccoli with shredded colby jack.
Dinner + 100 calorie snack--cauliflower and chicken dipped in guacamole.

Low Carb Game On -- Family Meals

Breakfast - Cheesy Mushroom and tomato egg scramble
Lunch - Roasted Strawberry Salad with chicken breast
Snack - Salmon and cream cheese and avocado on cucumber slices
Snack - Lettuce Shrimp and Avocodo Roll Ups
Dinner +100 calorie snack - Roasted Vegetables in oil with sauteed garlic pork tenderloins

I like to do my "100 calorie snack" as more dinner rather than dessert. It usually comes in the form of a healthy fat like half an avocado or some more oil for cooking. There are more than enough meals I can substitute though and then enjoy a spoonful of ice cream at the end of the day.

Oh, and here are my results from the two games I've participated in so far:

Shrink, shrank, shrunk!

I've gotten it all together for my grocery list!  Time to go shoppa-shoppa-shopping! 

Local Blogger logs into her blog for the first time in a month and you won't believe what she wrote!

Let's see, what to put in this empty space?  I have no idea. I feel like I should be creating content and not just blathering on about me. Research interesting articles! Post photos! Entertain the masses!

Fortunately the masses are the six people who read this blog and the three people who might "like" it on Facebook.

LET'S TALK ABOUT FOOD.

I'm still doing that Game-On! diet thing. I haven't lost much weight this session, but I feel pretty good! In fact, I'm planning my meals right now. Here's what I'm eating!

• Breakfast: Cheesy Omelette with sauteed scallion, garlic, romaine, mushrooms. Cup of low-fat milk.

• Mid-morning snack: String cheese with sliced apple and cashews. (Half of the time I have ricotta cheese instead, since I've already brought a huge container of it with me to work and it's so easy to have four huge spoonfuls before putting it back in the fridge on my break.

• Lunch: Mashed Sweet Potato mixed with sliced cucumber, ricotta cheese and cashews. (I'm so lucky to have both a microwave and a refrigerator at my job.)

• Afternoon snack: Sweet red bell pepper stuffed with cold chicken, sliced tomato, low-fat cheese and avocado. (Only red bell peppers will do.  Green are too bitter, and what's the point of orange or yellow?  Get your lycopene on!).

• Dinner: Flatout Veggie Pizza (although this sort of is more like "veggie cheese and crackers" than pizza.  It's my favorite thing. Ever so crunchy. Thanks, Liz!!!)

I'm trying really hard to get a cup of vegetables at 4/5 of my meals.   I just don't have room in my stomach for two cups at two meals so I spread my four cups of vegetables out.

And on the days I feel like being super naughty I like to make super-processed junk food that's horrible for you like these miniature chicken pot pies made with Grands biscuit dough, soup, veggies, cheese, chicken, and herbs:



I changed up the recipe a little by not bothering to thaw the frozen veggies and adding pretty much every seasoning in my pantry and some shredded cheese. These are extremely fattening and good and I can't be trusted around them.

If I could have eaten every single one of these, I would have.

But then I had leftover biscuits and tried to make little egg pies with those.  And then the egg ran out as the biscuits puffed up and now I have stinky burned egg at the bottom of my oven. And the intact eggs tasted like plastic on top of the delicious biscuits. So don't do that.

But you should totally cut your own hair. I cut mine up from mid-waist to my armpits recently. It looks really good, much better than in this video.



I cleaned it up a little bit after that so it's much shorter. I've been rocking a sort of Jenny Lewis (NOT Zooey Deschanel as that would involve mega hair extensions.  Maybe Zooey circa 2007-ish) haircut for about a year that I got sick of. I prefer my hair short. I want to cut it up to my chin, actually, but I like being able to tie it up into buns and ponytails.

GO BUY THIS BOOK. 

That is all. 

No-Equipment Full Body Strength Training Workout Right At Home!

I haven't done my strength training this week.  Why? Because the Insanity Fitness Test was harder on my body than I thought. I was very sore several days in a row and walking funny. It was those squat jumps and burpees, man. They did me in!

 

Also I have yet to find a gym in my area that doesn't cost around $50 a month to join. I don't know who decided to make all the good gyms in the Annapolis area that expensive, but they are. The gym near my job is about $64 a month. Even the Y is $51 a month. L.A. Fitness is about the same price depending on what deal you take. Just no.

 

That's a ridiculous amount of money considering the gyms in adjacent communities such as Bowie and Glen Burnie will run you about $10-30 a month. I could buy my own treadmill and NordicTrack and still have money left over (but no room for my bed or books). No, no, no!

 

So I was forced to find a weather-proof no-gym no-equipment apartment-friendly workout plan.

 

The Insanity Fit Test is actually an amazing full body workout. However, I think I can only handle it once a week at this point in my training.

 

It's surprisingly easy to put together a strength training workout. You don't have to have a personal trainer or follow some dumb workout with light pink weights in some woman's magazine.  You don't even have to do Crossfit if that's not your thing. The cornerstone fitness moves for any strength-training workout are as follows:

 

• Chin Ups
• Pull Ups
• Push Ups
• Bent-Over Rows
• Crunches
• Deadlifts
• Squats
• Calf Raises

 

There's no law against doing basic bicep curl/tricep dips if that's your thing. I feel like these are more for vanity if you're already doing push ups, chin ups, and pull ups. Ain't nothin' wrong with vanity, you know. I'm sure there are some more you could add to that, but if you're not basically paralyzed after doing 2-4 sets of 12 for each of those moves three days a week, then go swing your kettle ball or lift a damn monster truck and go away.

 

"But Jenny!" you protest "I don't have a monster truck! I also don't have a chin-up bar or dumbbells! All I can do is dangle on the chin up bars and lift bags of sand that fall on my feet and create ouchies! I DON'T KNOW HOW TO GOOGLE THESE THINGS MYSELF OR HAVE NEVER THOUGHT OF GOOGLING THEM. HALP." Never fear!  Here is the recipe for success I'm going to try tonight!  I'll bet YOU could do these too after consulting your doctor and making sure you're not going to drop dead if you even think about getting off your dupa. (STAY ON THAT DUPA IF YOUR DOCTOR SAYS SO. DOCTOR'S ORDERS!!!)

• Some Form of Crawling - This link shows modified beginner crawling to crazy awesome army crawling that might even surpass the ol' chin up bar.
• Try doing inverted bodyweight rows or pull ups and push ups using a sturdy table or counter top to counterbalance your body weight.
• Push-Ups - start with doing them against a wall, then work your way down to moving your feet out farther and farther from the wall until you find yourself progressing to coffee tables, stairwells, and then eventually the floor.
• Crunches - the classic no-equipment crotch headbutt. Although I don't go all the way up because that's a sit-up.  I do, however, pull my hips off of the floor and curl my pelvis up toward my ribs each time I curl my chest toward my crotch and really squeeze with each movement.
• No-Equipment Alternative to Deadlifts
• Air Squats - the holy grail of fitness.
• Bodyweight calf raises  - Really don't leave out the calf raises. I swear calf raises changed my life.

I now have no excuse to skip my strength-training workouts from now on.  Gym or no gym, maybe some day I'll come to an expensive gym near you and lift it. No, not weights. The whole dang gym.

 

Click here for a link to that tasty, tasty sandwich created by Thug Kitchen! 

Get a new plan, Stan!

Hi Blog!

 

I've had a very emotional week this week, starting with some terrible news in my family and the continuing political mess involving the shutdown, then some drama at work involving my misophonia/hyperacusis, then last night's very sad episode of Glee.  I have a crying hangover.

 

My week off has been glorious otherwise! I had pizza, bean burritos, ice cream, chocolate, soda.  I ate on plan for some meals, but for the most part it's been junk food city.  However, I haven't eaten the point of being sick. When I had pizza, I'd choose the smallest pieces in the box and really savor it.  Before game I had no problem wolfing down a half of a box of pizza, but I have now lost that talent.  Now even one slice of pizza feels like I'm ingesting a mouthful of salt. Still, it was really nice to lay off the broccoli for a little bit!

 

I didn't exercise at all this week because of finals, weather, and some pretty gnarly chapped lips.  Thus, instead of 209.7 lbs I'm 212.3 lbs. WHATEVAH, WHATEVAH.   It will all average out when I go back on game!

 

Yes, I'm doing the contest again!  Although, instead of doing a weight loss challenge where I lose 1% of my weight per week, I'm doing a fitness challenge.

 

Fuck scales, bitch.  I want to lift a truck.

 

Challenge: work out an hour a day.  Do the Insanity Fitness Test.  Write down my scores.  Repeat the Insanity Fitness Test every week and improve each exercise by 2 to win the bonus.

 

Proposed weekly fitness plan:

 

DAY 1

45 minute cardio

15 minute rows/crunches/pushups

 

DAY 2

45 minute cardio

15 minute deadlifts/air squats (eventually add weight when I get the form correct)/lunges

 

DAY 3

90 minute cardio

 

DAY 4

45 minute cardio

15 minute rows/crunches/pushups

 

DAY 5

45 minute cardio

15 minute deadlifts/air squats/lunges

 

DAY 6

60+ minute form of recreation (Zumba or Hiking or vigorous house cleaning)

 

DAY 7

LOAF AROUND THE HOUSE LIKE A QUEEN

 

I'M GOING TO BE SO SORE!!!! But you know what makes me happy? GETTING OFF MY BUTT.  And halfway through the game, I lost my motivation.  My workouts had very little structure.  I crave structure.  I thrive on structure. 

 

This is going to be so difficult, but I'm going to be so proud of myself for doing something so good for my body!

 

Baby Steps To A Healthy Relationship With Food

TRIGGER WARNING: Eating disorder stuff.

 

Here is the honest truth about what I did in the last month.

 

It was really hard.

 

The Game On Diet probably isn't hard for people who don't have health problems. If you don't have heart problems you can put low fat shredded cheese on everything and call it a day.

 

However, I have Stage 3 Hypertension.  I have to keep my sodium count under 1500mg.  I wasn't at first because it seemed like too much change at once, but then my weight loss stalled and I was forced to look at the cause.

 

When I lowered my sodium second week, my diet became very boring.  Plain broccoli. Plain sweet potato. No grains.  Low sodium everything. My days off consisted of ice cream, vegetarian dishes, and the occasional salty snack. I haven't had pizza in weeks and I used to be a daily pizza eater.

 

Soon I learned to love my salady meals, even when my coworker said it looked like horse feed.  Fruit salad and ricotta cheese with nuts. Strawberries and spinach with flaked chicken breast and olive oil. Eggs over medium so I could dip broccoli in egg yolk instead of toast with sliced banana.

 

When I first started the program, I was exercising 25 minutes a day with a short Zumba program on my iPad. Then I started adding slow walks a few times a day. Those slow walks became fast walks, and I eventually added intervals to those. Then I started taking daily 90 minute fun walks to artists like Don Henley, Whitney Houston, and Michael Jackson to keep pace.

 

There was one point during the diet where I was quite bitchy and desperately in need of the chocolate Hershey miniatures my husband was currently devouring a few feet away from me and I had to banish him from the room.

 

That's when it got really hard.

 

I ate alone a lot. I didn't want to be around other people's food.  I didn't want to be seen desperately stress-eating broccoli because I was upset about a math problem or some petty argument.  I felt embarrassed that I had to eat five times a day, because you can't really hide that and I didn't want anyone to see me eating.

 

And therein lies the problem. I'm so, so easily triggered into old unhealthy behaviors.  I remember how I used to skip lunch and dinner then go home and eat in secret in my room. My mom would find gross molded hidden food in my bedroom all the time. I had nutritionists and doctors worried about me, trying to convince me to eat.  They even told me that I would get fat if I continued to starve and then binge, and I didn't listen.  I would hang out with people as long as they weren't eating, because the appearance and sound of chewing freaked me out.  It is something I've never been able to fully heal from.

 

I started to try my best to eat at least one meal with Greg a day, even if it was just five minutes.  Just so I could see his smile.  Just to have a nice experience.

 

I decided there had to be a way to distract myself from all the ways my stupid brain wanted to torture me.

 

So I focused on my teammate.  I checked in with her and formed a bond.

 

I reached out to my friends.

 

I picked on the other teams, sending them razzing messages, teasing them with photos of giant cupcakes.

 

I cuddled with my cat and my loving husband.

 

Sometimes I just sat on the couch and cried for a while.

 

And of course there was always the comfort of walking or running.  I can't explain the feeling of just being in nature, looking up at the trees and the stars with every step, dancing my feet along the pavement with every breath.

 

I'm getting a lot of compliments on the physical change just ten pounds on my tiny frame made. I really am proud of that as a representation of what I'm trying to do.  It bothered me that I had excess weight, but what bothered me more was that I wasn't taking care of myself. I was seriously at a breaking point last month and I was truly hurting. Things are more manageable now.  I traded in pain from water retention and inactivity for what I thought was going to be excruciating pain from working out. But it wasn't. My body feels strong now.  And as I keep doing this my body will be stronger and I will work very hard to create a healthy relationship between myself and food.

Game On Diet Update

When I decided last month I wanted to lose 50 lbs, I was just coming off my umpteenth bout of food poisoning in the last year. My whole body was sore from illness but also from not moving around.  I also had really bad depression that had lasted for weeks. But I wasn't ready to do anything yet.  I wasn't ready for change, because what if the change was for the worst instead of the better?  I was afraid of any more challenges.  I was afraid to be too hungry, afraid of the pain of working out, afraid of wasting my time and becoming frustrated. I was afraid of becoming obsessed with it and possibly becoming more miserable.

I'm doing all the things I stubbornly said I wouldn't do, such as track what I eat, weigh myself, and eating reduced fat cheese.  And you know what?  I'm not hating life as much as I thought I would. Sure it's a lot to think about, but it's an adjustment and I have to be patient.

But there are things that are happening that outweigh all that.  I've learned that I like the taste of broccoli by itself. I learned that when I'm running, looking up to the sky to see the leaves dancing in the breeze brings my heart joy. I'm getting a lot more sleep. The pain I thought I'd have from working out is not as painful as being inactive was. And even if I'm a little bit hungry, I go to bed looking forward to each day because I get to eat again!  I took eating for granted before and actually dreaded eating.  Now I count down the minutes until my next meal.  Does that sound bad?

However there are many things I'm looking forward to even more than eating, or losing weight, or anything having to do with dieting. I'm very focused right now, but there are other wonderful or important things in life.

Like kitties.


And husbands.




And friends.  And being there no matter what.

Lisztomania ... Think less but see it grow ... Like a riot, like a riot, oh!

Haha, now that's in your head too. I haven't been in the mood to write lately, what with all of my energy going toward, work, school, and weight loss. 

I don't have anything to say about mob mentalities that isn't depressing as hell, so here, have a list!

 

Things I'm excited about:

*I'm currently 213.6 lbs. I started this year 225 lbs.

*I did some running Monday. Outside. At least a full minute of sprinting.

*I'm going to run again tonight. Outside!

*There were kitties on New Girl last night.

*I'm less ravenous today.  For some reason, for the first time on the whole diet, I was really hungry yesterday. And I don't feel as bad today!  That makes me think, though, that I will be really hungry tomorrow.  I think tomorrow would be a great day to have a cheat meal.

*I get to eat two times at home tonight because I had to wait until 8:30am to eat breakfast.

 

Things I am worried about:

*I must shrink down to 212.3lbs by Monday, and then 210.1lbs the week after. And I'm not a magician. 

*I must get a homework assignment done by Thursday or it will be past due its 1-week grace period.

*Coworkers brought in Fisher's Popcorn and KitKat bars and now I must either plan their death or steal all the snacks and ration them for myself. Either way I have to put out effort and it is their fault.

*I am too verbose in my emails.

*I am too verbose in general.

 

Things I am not going to worry about:

*What anyone thinks of me

*If I'm going to die

*Whether or not I'm going to win the contest

*Pretty much anything catastrophic because it's not like it's going to prevent it.

String Cheese is NOT the answer!

Week 1, I lost lots of weight, a whole 2.7lbs!  Woo-hoo! Our team won because of points, life was good!

I celebrated by having five large slices of pizza with sausage, chicken, mushrooms, and pineapple with low sauce. And a giant chocolate muffin. And half a bag of Cheetos. And some Cheez-its. And then during the week I got lazy and had reduced-fat string cheese every meal.

And then I wondered why I was so headache-y and bloaty and sick.

SHUT UP! BIRD.

I didn't lose any weight this week (unless a miracle happens between now and tomorrow), but I didn't gain any either, at least not permanently. And I learned a valuable lesson about what my body can handle.

My body can handle lots of water.

My body laughs at Mountain Dew. It wants absolutely nothing to do with it.

My body loves and thrives on lots of exercise. Bring on the long walks!

My body wants lighter food, and lots of it!

My body is done with pizza. It told me, "Jenny! Knock it off with the pizza! I can't run on this!"

I can't wait to see that body through all of its many life lessons.

Friend Making Monday - YOU'RE TALKIN' TO THE LOOOOVE DOCTA

I'm pitching in my 2 cents for Friend Making Monday at All The Weigh In!

Here's their image and blurb and then I'll answer questions!

(If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!)

Relationships and Dating

1.  List five characteristics that you think are important in a significant other. 

1. DON'T BE A JERK: The most important characteristic is kindness.  I don't want to be with someone who isn't kind.   Kindness is the most important.  It shows your heart more than anything else will. You wouldn't believe how hard this is to find and how valuable this is. We all have our off days, but we're not going to work if you're mistreating me and other people regularly.

2. COMPATIBILITY: The second most important characteristic is that we actually want to be around each other. You can give me the blazing hot panties forever, but if I get tired of being around you it's just not going to work romantically.

So what makes me want to be around someone? The remaining three characteristics, duh.

3.WE NEED TO BOND OVER THINGS.  Opposites attract makes no sense to me. If all the things you like are boring, we'll have nothing to talk about.

4. HAVE THE HOTS FOR ME. We're going to have to make out and do thing to each other so be ridiculously, ridiculously good looking and think that I am ridiculously good looking .

5. BE A RESPONSIBLE ADULT. Don't have a bunch of really bad habits that make me feel unsafe like habitually drinking too much and not taking care of yourself properly and never have any money. 

Obviously, my husband fits all of these.

2.  If you had to choose between staying single for the next two years (as in, no dating at all,) or receiving $10,000, which would you choose?  I'm married and don't have that choice. But if I was single I'd probably take the money. And then I'd regret it because of course it would be at that moment I'd meet my soul mate or something and fall in love with them.  Then I'd have to pay back the money, but it would be worth it. This is horrible question!

3.  What is your relationship status?  Are you satisfied with it?  I'm married.  I love my husband. I chose the right guy.

4.  Would you date someone who has children?  No. Unless they are fur children.

5.  Would you date someone who’s shorter than you?  Absolutely! I have, actually, dated a couple guys shorter than me. People come in all shapes and sizes.

6.  Would you date someone who has different political views?  Yeah, but it depends on what they are. Some things are absolutely a deal breaker as a former social work major. My political views have changed a lot over the years and sometimes Greg and I have to sit down and talk when we disagree.

7.  If you were going on vacation together, would you choose the beach or the mountains?  Why can't I have both?  Some places have both!  The beach is closer so we tend to go to the beach more.

8.  How do you show someone that you’re interested in them? I try to see if they're interested too by asking them!  Usually they aren't though.  But I respect that and move on!  It sucks, but that's life until we can all read minds!

9.  Do you prefer to date people who are older than you or younger?  I prefer someone at the same life stage as me. I once dated someone who was close in age to me but we just weren't at the same life stage. I was independent, he lived with his parents. I had a job and was going to school at night and on my days off, he was trying to become pre-med and was going to college full time. His group of friends was much younger than my group of friends. While that was not the only reason we didn't work out, it was a hassle!

10.  Share some details of your dream date. I just want things to be special.  It doesn't matter where we are, whether it's cheap or fancy.  Do something to make it nice.  Point out all the nice things and enjoy them with me.  I went on a walk with my husband the other night as the sun was setting and we saw geese and a teeny tiny little turtle.  The lighting was just perfect. It was special.  That's all I require.

Okay, if you want to do it too, go answer the questions on your blog and comment on her blog!  Now go make friends!

On Food Addiction - Overdosing

I've had a food problem for as long as I can remember. Even as a child I would end up eating to the point of throwing up. I abused my body, building it up more and more to become used to eating to bursting, until my body adapted and I required that amount of food as a staple to my nutrition rather than the exception.

Then, sometime recently, I need more food.  More and more food.  Food wasn't meeting my emotional or physical needs anymore. I would try the craziest food.  I would try more of it.  I would take risks with food. Nothing made me feel full.  I lived in fear of starving, of being hungry.

I have a lot of anxieties and many of them revolve around physical discomfort leading to panic attacks.

I live in avoidance of panic attack.  Food, headphones, avoidance, staying inside, never going anywhere: this is my life and has been my life since I was very young.

However this week I make a change. I started with me.  I can't go out to Zumba?  I brought Zumba to me. Afraid of starving?  Eat five times a day and drink water until my stomach hurts with it. Afraid of panic attack?  Get enough sleep and manage your anxiety.

Today was my day off though.  I prepared for a binge day.  I bought all kinds of processed junk and thought, "Oh goody!  Food Christmas!"

But emotionally, I didn't need vast amounts of food.

And physically, I didn't want vast amounts of food.

A week into Game On and already I've broken the cycle of binge eating.  It's just too easy to overdose now.

Just a little bit of junk food today was too much and I got sick very quickly, without trying to, without meaning to. My stomach was just like, "STAHPPIT!"

You know what I'm looking forward to tomorrow?

Broccoli.

Water.

Bananas.

Avocado.

Zumba.

Cleaning.

Feeling rested.

I'm happy to just let the junk food sit there, untouched, as the exception it is supposed to be instead of the rule.

It's a relief.

FRIDAY FIVE AND PUPPY DOGS AND RAINBOWS AND BLOG THINGS AND WHATEVER LINK UP

If you have a blog, and it's Friday, apparently you're supposed to post photos of things that defined your week or whatever.

I decided to plagiarize all the photos, so if any of these are yours and you actually read this blog, then comment and say so I can do what needs to be done!  But I don't think anyone reads my stuff so here we go!

MY WEEK CONSISTED OF

CASHEWS

Cashews saved my butt this week.  They're the only nut I don't get sick of eating. On Game On Diet plan you have to eat a thumb sized amount of fat five times a day and sometimes I really am not in the mood to carry an avocado around all the live-long day.

ZUMBA

I was worried that doing 25 minutes of Zumba a day wasn't going to be enough exercise for me.  For some reason bouncing around the room with my arms in the air and my feet being fancy until I felt light-headed seemed too good to be true. However, on Game On Diet Plan you have to exercise at least 20 minutes a day. Every day, at least six days.  Even after a day where you've gone hard at the gym and you're sore and can't move for two days. EVEN THEN. After five straight days of Zumba, I really am starting to feel it in my core, butt, and limbs.  I was right to start out slow! If I had started out with something more intense I would have gotten injured. Now I want to join a class in person!

Hello, lover.

THERMOS

I've been using this thermos for my water and since I have to drink 3 liters of water a day we have an intimate relationship now. Ignore the price in the link as I got it for about $5 at some Target-like place.

HEADPHONES

My coworker eats and slurps and chews gum and loudly sniffles her snot at her desk all day.  With her mouth open. The whole day. In the hall. While walking by me. She has no awareness of how gross it is, so rather than ruin her day the way she's ruined mine I keep these near me at all times so I don't go crazy on her:

CAT

She likes to knock over my iPad in the middle of my Zumba Dance workout.  She knows I don't want her to do that and she has sneaky body language when she's about to lunge at it.

Here's where I link up to things!

and http://www.ilikebeerandbabies.com/2013/09/things-that-made-me-shoot-puppy-dogs.html?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=twitter GO THERE AND ASK HER TO BUY ME A PONY

Day 4 - Game On - Quick Update

Hi Blog!

Well it's Day Four of the contest I am in and so far here are my findings:

I've been really lazy with meals.  The "major" cooking I've accomplished is stir frying broccoli and cauliflower each day. Most of my meals are grab and go, although I could make something super fancy and cut it into several servings, easily! Sticking to my food plan has been super easy.  And if I want something different I add a different spice!  One night it was ginger, another night garlic, and yet another onion!

Drinking all of my water has been easier this go round. One strategy for downing all of the water is to gulp down 32 oz immediately upon waking. Well, morning time is when I get a nervous tummy, and the last thing I want is anything in it. However, this time I thankfully haven't been experiencing anything wrong with my tummy, so I've been able to drink all I want.  In fact, 3 liters sometimes doesn't cut it and I need more than 3!

For some reason, even with a filter, I hate the taste of the water in my apartment.  Sadly,at home my water has to be store-bought in bottles. I know, I know, but I'm not going to drink water if it tastes icky! I suppose it isn't the greenest thing.  At work I use a giant thermos and fill it up twice a day to get 64oz of my 100 oz a day. I think on Saturdays and Sundays I'll have to figure something else out because I don't see drinking out of little bottles all weekend.

Zumba is lots of fun, even when by myself in my dining room with the table pushed back and the cat freaking out.  I just don't believe that I'm burning as much as they say I'm burning with Zumba.  It feels more of a light workout for me, but that might be because I'm still getting the steps down. At this point I'm just trying to get myself more active, but eventually my goal is to incorporate strength training and higher intensity, challenging workouts to my day. I should just be careful not to injure myself or burn myself out, but to make sure I'm making the most of every movement for now!

So far I've lost almost 1 lb, but I don't see me making my weight goal on a regular basis. And I have to keep reminding myself that is OK. Even though this contest is only for a month and I have money riding on it, my main goal is to lose the weight long term over the next six months and mostly take care of myself as best as I can.  I'm already feeling so much more lively and happier than I was a mere few days ago. The food isn't upsetting my tummy. I'm getting some circulation. Our floors and kitchen look better now that I keep them clean as part of my transformation.

Also, whether or not I win the $60 prize, this is better than anything I've ever tried to stick to on my own.

Game On Diet is BACK ON.

I wrote at the beginning of this month that I wanted to lose 50 lbs. And then I went on a glorious week-long eating binge filled with avocado and hummus sandwiches on sourdough, steak fries, cheese steak subs, endless slices of pizza, a vast amount of authentic Mexican food, endless pieces of candy, endless chips, endless junk food, really. I loved it, but it didn't make me feel too great.  In fact it made me feel throbbing headaches, terrible anxiety, bloated, nauseated, and just plain distracted. And it was interfering with my life.  I was missing out on a lot of things because I didn't feel well.

Then Joey, the brother I never had, decided to tell me he was planning a wedding for next June. Look, I don't mind being a little bit fat. 50 lbs from now I'll be a little bit fat, the kind that is size 12 and not really fat. But the way I was eating, I wasn't just keeping on the extra 80 (yes 80) or so lbs, I was going to gain 80 more, or die of a heart attack since I'm un-medicated Stage 2 Hypertensive.

How about no?

Over at The World According to Cindy, Cindy was able to reverse her enlarged fatty liver and get down to a healthy weight by running an online diet bet using the The Game On Diet Program. She's got her waist-size down to a heart-healthy level and she's actually where I would totally settle and be happy being, weight-wise. My high school friend Elizabeth was the first person I knew who tried The Game On Diet with her coworkers, and it seems to me she's lost 1/3 of her weight.  She can even run now, where before an injury was keeping her from even walking a whole lot.

So that's what I'm going to do.

Game On Diet Session 2013-8 Week 1
Current Weight 219.400 lbs
Goal Weight by Sunday September 15, 2013: 217.206 lbs

Sample Day Schedule
5am 32 oz of water and Zumba 20+ minutes
6am Breakfast

1 egg 2 egg whites
Apple, sliced and heated up in oven.
small amount of cashews

8am 16oz water
9am Snack/15 minute walk

thumb sized amount of cashews
2 cheese sticks
Banana

10am 16oz water
12pm Lunch

1 sliver of avocado
1/2 palm sized amount of chicken
1/2 palm sized reduced-fat cheese
1  fist sized amount of broccoli
1 whole-grain rye slice

2pm 16 oz water
3pm Snack/15 min walk

thumb sized amount of cashews
2 cheese sticks
Banana

4pm 16 oz water
6pm Dinner

1 small flatbread
palm sized reduced fat cheese
thumb size grapeseed oil
1 fist sized broccoli

1 Eggo Waffle as 100 calorie snack.

7pm Habits: Put away any clothes and towels and wipe down kitchen sink, counter, microwave, and stove.
10pm Sleep

Crap! I'd better get to bed or I'm totally going to lose points!

Cheer me on, as I intend on winning this bet!

The Time Stinky Jenny Went To Lush And Took A Shower

I've never been a sort of hygiene maven. I'm the type of person who would rather go days without showering, but can't because ew? But when I'm in the shower I'm in for ten minutes and I'm out. I don't use lotion. I don't exfoliate. Most of the time I don't even shave, mostly because I feel it is unnecessary. I actually don't take very good care of myself. My routine is basically neglect myself until something bad happens.

So when Kenny and Joey took me to LUSH for the first time in January and sent me home with nice things, I didn't use them. Mostly because I felt like they were so extravagant that I only could use them if I was doing something fancy. I felt like I wasn't good enough. I know that sounds silly. It's just bubble bath and hair stuff.

Then Joey took me again in the spring and I bought some lip balm. It was the best lip balm I've ever used. It's like butter for the lips.

Still I didn't use anything else. Keep in mind I did start washing my face with honey and began wearing makeup more, but I stopped that this summer because I fell into a depression and even stopped washing my hair on a regular basis.

Anyway, so Joey and Kim took me to LUSH again this weekend and I again touched all the soaps, thinking, "I can't buy something that is just going to sit in the closet because I don't feel like it's a special occasion enough to use it."

Then Kim and I started playing with glitter soaps. She rubbed it all over her beautiful skin and I started putting glitter from one of the soaps all over my eyelids.

An attendant asked if I needed help with anything.

I looked down at my legs. Now that I'm in my thirties, I have these dry, ashy, wrinkled calves. Mostly because I get out of the shower and don't moisturize. When you get to age 25, lotion is kind of important. And when I was in my teens I used it, but then I felt like it took too long for lotion to dry and I felt gooey and gross putting on clothes with lotion skin. Thus, grandma skin on the one part of my body that actually has visible muscles. Sad!

I asked the attendant, "Do you have any really good moisturizing soaps? I hate using lotion and I have dry skin."

Which lead me to buying something I know I wouldn't just let sit in the bathroom being fancier than I am, because it is useful:

I love it! I used it this morning all over my body, on my face and limbs and torso, and my skin feels like young people's skin. It doesn't feel waxy or gooey and I keep lifting it to my face and inhaling.

I'm going to have to get around to using all the other stuff in my LUSH stash.

I'm really glad to join the land of people who smell good.

Disclosure: I was not asked to do this blog or to promote Lush and the only free stuff I got was from my friends Joey and Kenny and that is because they are insanely generous and kind.  But if you want to send me free shit too that would be great!

An FAQ with myself because why not?

Who dis be?

A mature, sophisticated, worldly blogger with the face and body of a goddess and the grace of a queen.

What is this blog about now?

I want to lose, like, 50 lbs.

Why do you want to lose weight?

I'M TIRED OF BEING FAT.

Why are you tired of being fat?

Honestly?  I am physically uncomfortable with carrying weight on my arms and stomach.  I honestly don't care about how they look, but I hate the feeling of sitting down and feeling pressure on my legs from the fat on my stomach sagging down on them. I also really hate how I feel like my arms ache and go numb with the fat that's on them. It's exhausting carrying all of this around.  Also, I have Stage 2 hypertension and my doctor said my blood pressure will lower as I lose weight.  I'm all for that.

Are you sure you're not just caving into internalized misogyny and fat shame?

I probably am.  It's difficult to escape hatred coming from internal and external sources. However, being fat is not the worst thing in the world to be. I hate when people act like it is.  Lots of people are fine being slightly overweight.  When I'm done losing weight I will probably still be slightly overweight or even obese and I don't even care.  I just want to feel good, be happier, and take good care of myself.

There are a lot of happy, healthy, self-sufficient fat people with great blood pressure who are strong and amazing.  That's just not my story, so I need to lose weight.

Being fat is not the worst thing in the world? What is the worst thing in the world?

Having depression. Having panic attacks.  Suicidal thoughts. Self-abuse. Being sick. Mistreating and abusing others. Constant arguing. Food that doesn't taste good.  War. That kind of thing. :-(

You are seriously bumming me out.

I know, right?

Why are you blogging about this triggering and boring topic again?

I will write about whatever I want for as long as I want.  I feel better when I write and when I'm honest.  Plus, I rather write about taking good care of myself and my triumphs and failures than constantly focus on wishing I was dead or something.  I find this topic a little bit triggering and boring, but so is the rest of my life and I'm not going to end that.

What are you going to do to take care of yourself so your life is less triggering and boring?

I have some ideas!  I'm not going to use MyFitnessPal, I'm not joining a gym, I'm not going to sit around and plan my suicide!  I'm not measuring my body, weighing myself, or eating any diet food. I'm not going to sit around and worry about things until I'm crazed with fright.

Do you have depression or something?

Yeah, pretty much.

Why?

No idea.  I'm just an emotionally uncomfortable most of the time and have to convince myself every day to keep living.

Why don't you take a pill or something?

I have yet to find a medication that agrees with me. Each time I go through a year of meds, it's just another disappointment.  I've being doing this for more than fifteen years and have yet to find something that works.

What would you consider "working"?

Not wanting to kill myself all the time, not thinking about killing myself all the time. Like, a base level of mild depression vs. severe suicidal depression is all I'm looking for.  I've yet to find a pill that will do this for me for long lasting periods. I'm not looking to have happiness as my only emotion, I just want the act of breathing in and out to be less exhausting.

What are you going to do instead?

I'm probably going to a take a lot of naps, drink a lot of water, eat a lot of plants, and dance around in my underwear.  I'll probably screw up a lot.

Can I watch you dance in your underwear?

No, unless you're going to let me watch you dance in yours.  You can send your videos of this to atoaklandhills@gmail.com

Why bother blogging about this?

My life feels really out of control right now. Plus, I have a lot of friends who blog and I don't want to be left out.  If they can write about giveaways and Scentsy sales and how much they believe in God and how great their lives are and photos of them drinking fancy shit with their sexy sunglasses amid beautiful sunset backdrops, why should I be silent about me trying and failing at stuff? Am I just supposed to wait until my depression magically gets better to join in on the blogging fun?  Yeah, that's not happening.  Time to live my life now, while I'm technically alive.

What is your fantasy?

My fantasy is to be as happy and beautiful as my eighth grade French teacher who goes on 10 mile runs then frolics in the daisies with a big smile on her face. Or to seem as well-adjusted and wonderful as my pastor's wife whose smile makes everything better for a minute. Oh, and to be internet rich and famous so I can just be rich and lay about all the live long day while people tell me how much they love me.

What is your goal?

My goal is to be okay with having depression, to be okay with my life, to not hate myself for what I've written and done.  I want to change myself so I can change the world. And also to eat a lot of avocados and cheese with my friends and family.

Ew, avocados?

If you can't accept my love for avocados then we can't be friends.

You're not funny.

Well, you're a rude POS and avocado hater and I made you up for the purpose of this interview. YOUR FACE IS FUNNY. >:(

Vacation

Hi blog.

My husband got laid off and my Aunt Charlene died today.

I'll be back in September.

Jawbreaker tells you to eat it - My first terrible movie review!

My husband and I have been really digging this fantastic homage to Heathers he found on DVD a few weeks ago, Jawbreaker (1999). 

I love it for the florescent 1950s fashions and he loves it for Judy Greer and Carol Kane.

And we both love it for the interactions between Rose McGowan and Rebecca Gayheart:

The dialogue and premise are laughable but I'm addicted to the whole Bad Lifetime Movie Coming Of Age High School Clique thing, and there's murder involved, so this is right up my alley.

So obviously I've been practicing in the mirror for weeks and me and my crooked teeth can't manage this at all, but I made one anyway! Yay!

I first sent it to Greg who responded, "AWWWWWW... You's adorable. And you's mine! :)=)"

I was elated. (That's the effect Greg has on me!) I became giddy with joy and I started posting it everywhere!

I shared it on Google+ (does anyone have a Google+???  It's so dead there!)

I sent it to my friend Patrick from college, one of my oldest friends from when I was 18 who I can be my complete self around. (Few people can say that.  I had almost zero friends when I was 18, so it's valuable to me that someone knew me then!) Why did I send it to him?  Because he makes me laugh until I pee.  And because he suggested I eat poo a few days ago and I wanted to escalate that.

Then I started sharing it randomly in comments and messages, but people started becoming worried and confused and that ended my fun. Losers. ;-)

The moral of the story is that I continue to have terrible taste in movies, but this movie features a Popsicle blow jay in it so it's all good.  Go watch it.

This is the worst review ever and I don't even care.

SO WHAT WEDNESDAY YOU AIN'T FRIDAY YOU LITTLE ...

It's been a while since I've said SO WHAT???

I haven't called my dad this month like I said I would.  I've been thinking about it, and I'm absolutely dying to see him, but homework has been out of control. At the beginning of my class I would get about 80 problems a week, but they were easy little one step problems.  Now that I'm getting to the end of my class each problem has four and sometimes ten steps.  Sometimes it's taking me an hour per problem, which is frustrating.  Well last night my cousin and Aunt got to see him and now I pretty much have to figure out my schedule so I can get homework done and see my dad.  I haven't seen him in person since December 2010.

I yelled out, "EW! EW! I HATE YOU!" in the middle of my office yesterday to nobody in particular. I have misophonia. That is what happens when you chew with your mouth all the way open and snap your gum around me and I've come to accept that if I yell at people for doing it and then go for a walk I feel much better than if I stay quiet and endure it and my subsequent panic attack. There's no point in feeling guilty for the yelling.

I hate my hair. I feel pretty guilty for hating my hair, and I feel alone in hating my hair since other people usually respond that they love my hair.  Anyway, I hate my hair and I have a good reason to feel really guilty about it. My coworker has the most glorious hair I have ever seen and she's losing it all because she's in the beginning stages of chemo.  It's been falling out all this week and I just feel awful for her.

Can I interrupt this So What? Wednesday and talk about how much cancer sucks?  Because it does. Chemo is a pain enough, literally, without the added annoyance of hair loss.  You're constantly terrified that you're going to catch an infection that might kill you, you feel terrible for weeks at a time, and now you have to worry about losing your hair? ARE YOU SERIOUS, CHEMOTHERAPY? SERIOUSLY, FUCK YOU CANCER FOR DOING THIS TO MY COWORKER. >:(

Let's get back to my hair and saying so what about it.

Despite more important things to worry about like cancer, I am a shallow person who hates the shit out of my hair right now. I've always had a love/hate relationship with my hair.  Right now I'm growing out a dark brown color job that has faded to a very icky auburn brown color and it's driving me crazy.  And the brown roots I have growing out look icky, too. I know I'm supposed to be all grateful and write something that other people would respond to like, "You have a good point, that's very inspiring."  It's hair though. I feel like I should be allowed to hate it, guilt free.  I wish someone else would tell me that they hate it too and that they had advice on making it better.  It's OK, though, because it's just hair.

I'm not family friendly and like to say all the words on Saint George Carlin's list.  Frequently. I don't even try to be classy and save strong words for strong emotions.  I feel like some people think I'm rude and don't want to be around me because of it, but I don't really care.  I spend most of my life in a very frustrated state of mind and the last thing I need is one more worry about why I'm not good enough.   One word I'm really trying to replace though is the word "asshole" with "butt."  My pastor's wife sounded hilarious using the word "butt" as in, "Ugh, Simon Cowell is such a butt!"  If something is hilarious to me, you'll probably catch me doing it. LOL. BUTT.  I just hope people do not equate usage of language with treating people poorly.  It's not my intent.

In conclusion so what if I haven't called my dad, hate my hair, am shallow, yell at people, and use strong language?

I'm pretty sure the faces I make totally make up for it.

RIGHT????

Today's animated gifs are brought to you by my hair and some pets.

My hair is an asshole so I put it in a scarf today.

My cat is always throwing up her food but she loves her food so idk:

And that one time Joey brought over his dogs and even though I never want to walk them again because it's hard, I LOVE HIS DOGS BECAUSE THEY ARE SMOOCHY FACES.

This is them saying goodbye to me before the long drive home.

I'M HERE MOM!

I haven't blogged this week!  I've been too busy:

 

• Working
• Decluttering
• Crying .. no ... sobbing my eyes out over Cory Monteith's overdose and death.  I was once a huge Gleek in a major way.  I've hated where they've taken the show but I'm still a huge fan of the earlier seasons and check all my fandom websites, such as ONTD-GLEE daily.
• Celebrating my grandmother's birthday ... she's 80!  She likes my phone.

• Visiting people, especially people I don't get a chance to see in my spare time like I used to:

• Solving for x
• Graphing inequalities
• Writing numbers in scientific notation
• Finding the slope and the y intercept
• Foiling binomials
• Rearranging my living room.
• Fixing the A/C
• Cooking
• Celebrating my 10th anniversary
• Taking care of my sick cat
• Taking pictures

MY PHONE MAKES ANIMATED GIFS HOLY CRAP. Or I should say Google+ does when my phone backs up to it.  Kind of neat!

So I've had a lot of thoughts but all of them have been very private and I've had a lot of feelings which I've done a good job of not eating.  I'm still at 216.7 lbs and although I haven't been running much I have been living my life pretty well.  

Most of all I miss everyone in the whole world and even though I don't act like it?  I love all of you, the whole world, and I miss you and want to see you.  Although most of the time I want to be left alone and don't want to go anywhere or make any effort.  Yeah, that's consistent with my social life, the push and pull, the ebb and tide, the I LOVE YOU/FUCK YOU of it all.