Guest Post: PMS

I am an adult with a decent job, a marriage, a cat, and living in my dream apartment. Even so, I still become nostalgic every now and then for my early twenties, where I only had enough to rent a room in someone's house, to use a computer that was ten years out of date with a dial-up internet connection, and to be forced to walk or take the bus everywhere I went. 

This week I was feeling extra nostalgic for that time, so Greg and I and went to fire up my old Windows 95 to look at photos from way back when. Along with some amazing scanned photos from my childhood, which I'm looking forward to sharing eventually when I get everything migrated over to my laptop named Walter, Greg and I laughed endlessly over the many stupid webcam photos I took and saved between 2000 and 2005. 

I would like to invite a guest post to this blog today, but nobody has volunteered to be my first guest poster.  Therefore I would like to invite 20 year old Jenny, aided by fantastically dramatic webcam footage, explaining her secrets to surviving PMS first published September 30, 2002.

This girl appears to be the everyday average kind. One would never guess this girl has just alienated her friends, family, and boyfriend, downed desserts like eclairs and spumone all weekend and now is bloated to a size 35 inch waist (rather than 29), and has impulsive urges involving carjacking The Man and using His Royal Dodge to run down little old ladies. What is her secret?

I will let you in on it.

Jenny's secret steps to surviving PMS: 

Step 1: Find the softest, cuddliest, so-ugly/tacky-it's-cute-est stuffed creature and squeeze the life out of it to aleviate symptoms of cramps and tension.

Step 2: Most people, despite the evidence to the contrary, in fact ARE mind readers and know to steer clear of you when you have PMS. However, to the other morons out there, just extend your middle finger and execute a syrupy, sacharrine/psychotic smile.

Step 3: Even after taking every drug under the sun, you're still not going to be a size six even if you were a size two. Just slip on your tightest, darkest clothes in hopes they'll stretch out in time for next month's ordeal of pms symptoms and strike a confident pose.