The Dream Monster

Shhhh, don't tell anyone, but I took a semester off of school this spring.

 

When people asked me about classes I was like, "Uh, I'm taking a remedial or two."

 

And I was totally planning to, but I never signed up. 

 

See, between some health scares and some family crises, I felt like I was being eaten alive by priorities. The laundry, the sink, my diet, my job, my blood pressure, my weight, a cancer diagnosis in my family, my depression, my anxiety, it all grew teeth and blew hot, putrid air into my face, knocking me over with a monstrous force.

The dream monster.

 

I took one look at my schedule and said, "Maybe next semester."  And I stroked the schedule and looked at it longingly at what would never be as the stinky monster ruthlessly chewed it up and went, "Ptooey!" all over my plans. 

 

It the midst of its sulfurous farts and echoing burps as it snarfled and gulped and slurped at me out of spite, I quietly enrolled in school for the summer.  (Well, as quietly as someone as talkative as me can do something considered quiet.) And as the monster said, "If you want some, I'm going to have to barf it all up, because it's gone," I noticed a "lovely cheese pizza, just for me." 

 

Wait, no, that's Home Alone.

 

No, what I mean is that despite how terrible I've felt and despite all my problems, I just kept on rolling. Health problems?  Still went to work and did laundry. Friends? Still went to see some of them a few times a month.  Bills?  I made arrangements. Anxiety?  I shared myself with you.

 

Sometimes I feel like I'm in an abusive relationship with myself and that if I quietly do things without making a big production out of them the other part of me might not notice and ruin everything I've worked so hard for.

 

To change the subject entirely, have you ever taken a semester off of school?  Nobody else seemed to care, but, boy, those fricken loan companies sure notice.  I'm totally in classes right now and I get emails and mail every week saying, "Paaaaay meeee!" And I'm sitting here thinking, "You're not getting a red cent from me until I graduate in 2015. Bitch, you can wait two more years for your money!"