STOP WORRYING ABOUT HAVING A FAT BODY - A pep talk to myself

(ATTN: I am not a lifestyle guru and am not a doctor. But if you need to give a pep talk to yourself, feel free to use mine. - J)

DEAR JENNY,

STOP WORRYING ABOUT HAVING A FAT BODY.

STOP IT RIGHT NOW.

I know you're here thinking, "Oh god, oh god, I'm on my way to obesity and I'm going to die because I weigh too much and my stomach is too big and I may as well eat myself into a heart attack now because it's too late for me!"

And I'm going to tell you that it's OK and to keep going.  Just because someone is putting their health issues and hang ups on you does not mean that has to be your story.  No, it doesn't!

I wish someone had told me that sooner.

I was 14 years old when I first learned of a formula that tells you if you're fat. I sitting at our dark brown round kitchen table eating a bowl of Wheaties and reading a health magazine while my father sketched my face in charcoal across from me. My weight had fluctuated in the last several months, as my body had changed more and I had grown taller. Instead of being all limbs from not eating on purpose, I now had a shape. I felt fat, as my waist circumference had ballooned from a number in the teens to 28 inches and I had gained 20 lbs, weighing 138. At 5 foot 5, I really wanted to lose ten pounds as I felt huge.  I was relieved to hear I was at a healthy weight after doing the calculation, not aware that at 14 years of age I was too young for it to apply to me.

Now that I am older, I know that the BMI calculation is a piss poor measurement of obesity. At age 21, I was still 5 foot 5 and 138 lbs with a waist circumference of 29 and high blood pressure, but my pants were a good two sizes smaller than I was at fourteen. In fact, the pants I wore at age 14 didn't fit me again until I gained 40 more lbs and was officially "obese" ... as my hips and thighs were much larger when I was fourteen. 

There have been times at 178 lbs where I've had a waist measurement of 29 and times where it was much higher, closer to 35.

It wasn't until I hit over 200 and then 230 that the BMI scale seemed accurate, with my waist measurement exceeding 50 inches at age 25, and with that my blood pressure climbed into the stratosphere, its measurement becoming its own planet along with my belly.

Therefore I am not sure why I pay attention to my weight fluctuations rather than my tape measurer. Apparently if I weigh over 240 lbs at my height it does not matter what my waist size is; I am at an extremely high risk for disease at that weight. I am also considered at very high risk for disease if I weigh over 210 lbs no matter what my waist size is, which I currently do.

However, as long as I weigh less than 150 lbs, I am not at risk for disease no matter what my body looks like.

To me, that is complete bullshit.

Central obesity is central obesity, no matter what your weight. There are many dangerous reasons to have excess weight around the middle and many of these reasons are deadly, usually a reaction to stress hormones destroying your DNA.

BUT! As long as we are taking care of our bodies, WHO CARES what your numbers are, what your measurements are, what you look like?  Why are we constantly telling people negative things about their bodies expecting their bodies to magically change for the better?  All we're doing is telling ourselves bad things and getting ourselves all worked up, and for what?

I see no reason to scare people into thinking they're dying of obesity. Why should we go around lamenting, "Oh no, my fat, my fat, I'm so ashamed, I must lose my fat!"

I would do awful and terrible things to be able to have healthy internal organs, which many people already have at EVERY WEIGHT.

At my very thinnest, my numbers were absolute crap, but I have been considered "obese" at a size 12 with perfect numbers afterwards.

Right now, nothing is good concerning my health. I'm hoping that's only for now. I do not worry about it, because I am on the right track and making healthier choices all the time.  Whatever my body composition changes to while I continue to exercise daily and try my best to get some damned vegetables and water in me and avoid junk food is not something I wish to worry about any longer.

And I don't want you to worry about it either.

So knock it off. Sure, pay attention to your numbers, your cholesterol, your blood pressure, your blood sugar no matter who you are or what you're doing.

All that matters is that you're doing the best you can to take care of yourself and be healthy.

You're allowed to love yourself for who you are.

Now go outside and play.