Once upon a time I had a LiveJournal and very bad judgment.

HI BLOGS!  How are you!  I am in my bed and my cat thinks she's a dog.  I am SERIOUS.  You know how dogs have that special spot on their bodies, like somewhere on their belly or their chest or their doggie butts, that if you rub it their legs weaken and go crazy and start dancing?

My cat has a spot!

I didn't know cats could have a spot where their legs go crazy!

And that's why I think my cat is a dog.

So last week I had days where all I ate was toast because I wasn't feeling well and then afterwards I binged on Pizza Hut stuffed crusts and things and I was like, "Whatever, I'm never going to lose this weight because pizza is delicious."

And then people were adding my old account on MyFitnessPal as a friend and I was like, "Oh no!" See, I was on MyFitnessPal last year and as soon as I joined it I was in a car accident and hurt my spine.  So I just saw massive weight gain.  Plus I had a falling out with my former best friend and really had no desire to go back on there and see her succeed at anything.

So I've made a new account and even though I'm pigging out on Chex Mix and Ben & Jerry's and still drinking soda, just the fact I'm writing down food has already made a difference, as of today I weigh less than I did before Christmas.  Yes!

Created by MyFitnessPal - Nutrition Facts For Foods

Isn't that something?  Yes!  Yes it is!

The thing about MyFitnessPal is that if you get all obsessive about it it's not enjoyable.

I know all about being obsessive.

Once upon a time, guys ... I was thin.  Like, underweight thin.

OH NO!

Except I don't have any photos of me at my thinnest (size 6) because all I did was drink Diet Mountain Dew and wish I was dead because it was after a break-up in May 2003. All I have is a tiny LiveJournal Icon blurred out nude of me with stupid words on it that totally did not describe me at all because I was not comfortable in my own skin at all. I looked good on the outside but on the inside I was a freaking mess.

Anyway, that's me, with my arm covering my naughty bits and blurred out so you can't see my ribs or hipbones anything.  But yeah, sort of nude. But you can't see anything so who cares? Because at that point I was hoping LiveJournal would get me laid or my boyfriend back or something. It did not.  But I was wearing size 6 skirts at this point because I wasn't really doing so much ... eating solid food.

I also had no car and walked everywhere for 4 hours a day until the break-up.

I was starting to look porn star good though OMG. (And since I had no life goals anymore besides suicidal crack whore, I had that in my favor!) I had no belly fat and a little muscle definition and it was amazing.  It wasn't anorexia as much as, like, grief starvation.  I had planned my life to run away and live in Florida with a boy and then chickened out and we broke up.  So I no longer really had a life plan and just had a cup of yogurt every three days for a month and laid in my bed and cried until my mom got me a therapist and I gained ten pounds in a month and by July 2003 I was back to a size 10 and dating my husband and whatever.

I do have some photos of me at size 10 in high school where I liked to go running and allowed myself yogurt, juice, raw and sauteed vegetables, and a sensible dinner though!

So much less belly at size 6 though!  Oh well.  

So anyway, every time I've ever been thin ever I was successful for a few reasons:

• I got off of my butt and moved.
• I laid off of flour.
• I ate a lot of raw fruits and vegetables or drank a lot of juice.
• I allowed myself to have one plate of dinner.
• I carried food with me like lettuce or peppers or meals to eat with me throughout the day in little plastic baggies.
• I wrote down what I ate, even if it had a ton of calories in it.
• I did not worry about calories.
• I ate really slow and stopped when I was full.
• I did all of this regardless of whatever else was going on in my life.

I've learned over the years that calories aren't that big a deal. The best I've ever felt was when I did not have soda, I did not eat candy, and I did not eat fake "sugar-free" food that would taste better with real sugar in it. I eat aspartame when I'm dead and need the formaldehyde, thanks.

With MyFitnessPal, they have you counting calories and tracking exercise to give you more calories and honestly?  When I tried doing that it made me feel really crappy.  I do much better if I just log my food and not try to be perfect.

What I like about MyFitnessPal is that I can see what other people are eating and how much weight they're losing in a news feed where I can leave irreverent comments like this:

Right now I'm a size 18/20 and really?  If I lose weight, that's fine.  I'm just trying to not die from chronic illnesses that happen when you live on Cheetos and sit on your couch.  But if I do happen to get back down to a size 10 and see that bug on my ticker go all the way down, you bet your ass I'm getting my picture taken with clothes on.  I'm a married woman now!