The Rocks That I Got

2012 was a year where I had a lot of stones to throw that I never thought I would have to throw.  I do not want 2013 to be the same way.

 

I never wanted to be a stone thrower.  So I held it all in until I would finally break down, crying.  I kept it to myself, and in effect stoned myself until I was too injured to exist.

 

Then one day I woke up and realized I could not keep my eyes closed any longer.  That sometimes words needed to be said and without meaning to, those words will hit hard.

 

So I threw.

 

A stone to you who boss me around like a child.

 

A stone to you who talk behind my back and find me offensive.

 

A stone to you who upsets me so that I leave your house in tears, and I never hear an apology.

 

A stone to you who does not see me as a remarkable person in her own right, but who sees me as the same struggling adolescent I was when you first met me.

 

A stone to you who wishes to oppress others.

 

A stone to you who are in fear of losing the ability to oppress others.

 

So many stones.

 

But once those stones were let loose, I kept coming up for more and more stones.  I wanted to stone everything.  I wanted the world to feel the bruises I did.

 

I see now that is childish. It is childish to want the world to suffer just because you are suffering. 

 

All I wanted was to avoid the stones being thrown in my direction.  

 

We're living, we're breathing beings who are wrong as often as they are right, who aren't perfect, and have a lot to learn.

 

I can't take back my stones, for they are no longer mine.  Nor do I want to.

 

I would like to stop throwing them now.

 

I want all of us to stop throwing.

 

I want us to stop.

 

I look around and all I can see are stones and where they landed, guarding, guarding, and keeping things from growing, keeping people from joining together, and stifling creativity and joy.

 

I do not have to throw stones to be heard. I can create words and exchange words and let them lie. I can create a life for myself without hate and throw a little beauty in it.

 

I am my own library and you may borrow what you will. It is up to you what you do with what you find.